My Farewell

Dad, this my apology and a prayer of farewell. To you and me. So maybe I can feel that you have forgiven me. And all the things in my life now make since. Your sad gray eyes haunt me at night. I can never forget that you have left. I can’t seem to let go because it feels as I am letting go of my past. Goodbye to a little girl who misses the comfort of being a daddy’s girl. Goodbye to cuddles at night and chocolate-chip pancakes in the morning. I cried for your soul and hope that your happy where you are. Please send me a sign so I know your al right. Goodbye to memories of a man singing as he played his guitar with his soul. How can I explain the pain when I remember my life as before. Goodbye to the roughness of your cheek each time I kissed you goodbye. I have forever changed and feel I haven’t ever made you proud. So now I long to pick up a phone and call to say “Hi!”. I would have given my life just for a hour to tell you thanks. I need your courage and strength when life strikes me down. Goodbye to stern lectures of life. I miss seeing your face and laughter when it rains. Or how your face lighten up when my children yelled,,“Grandpa!”. I never thought it would ever end up this way. I feel that chance played a hard joke on us and now I am paying for it. I just can’t get past this because your not here to guide me through this. So I sit and ponder on streams full of memories and times that seemed so long gone. Like the vast ocean I drown away trying to drift back to some kind of sanity. I close my eyes and here the jingle-jangle of your keys as you limp on by. I miss the pat on the back or the tightness of my hand enclosed in yours to reassure me it would be al right. I think of so many goodbye to you.. Goodbye to the way your hair stood up after waking up. Or how we laughed when you snored. Goodbye to yelling at the boys when they were misbehaving. But the most that always hurt is the goodbye to you. Because it seems that centuries have passed since I last saw you. Even if it’s been a few years. The world is cruel and I often wonder what to do? I question that this is the end, for the pain isn’t gone. It consumes my soul as I try to go on. As a reminder of finer things in life. I look to the sky and search for a sign that you are up there somewhere near by as always before.