My beloved mother

Is it really that hard to praise ,to be grateful. Will it be the same if it was my brother or sister who did . Was I just a nuisance to everyone. I have come to fear quarrels . I have been called a coward , insensitive ,too emotional, reckless,careless , But do they know She said i can't bear a little pain Does she know i choke myself every night Does she know i sacrificed my dream just to be called hopeless Does she know i burnt myself because of her painfull words Does she know i have cried and cried for just being accepted Does she know i yearned for her affection Does she know she is my whole world Does she know i am afraid of hating her Does she know i am scared that she will know i am in pain Does she know that i screamed in silence just for her warmth Does she know how cold I felt in summer Does she know i hate myself Does she know i tried to kill myself Does she know that i was devastated because I even failed at dying Does she know Does she ever Did she ever tried did she Did she know that her words always echoed louder in my ears Does she Was I loved Was I hated I don't know But I know I yearned for it When did it turn this way I donot remember anymore I myself think I was just an extra When i cried she said i am weak When i tried she said is that it When i won she said what's so special When i complain she said i was just crazy No matter what I do I was called stupid When everyone admires me she said i was nothing And When I talk she said i am annoying