Carolyn Devonshire Poet Pantoum

Murky Future (Revised)

Could it be I’m using the wrong bait?
Perhaps what I need is more “a-lure”
To attract and win the perfect mate
My heart stays open, intentions pure

Perhaps what I need is more “a-lure”
I cast my line; only sharks biting
My heart stays open, intentions pure
Swarming in schools; all uninviting

I cast my line; only sharks are biting
Angel fish elude; clown fish giggle 
Swarming in schools; all uninviting
I try new bait; nary a nibble

Angel fish elude; clown fish giggle
Barracudas chase dream fish away
I try new bait; nary a nibble
Life swims past as my hair fades to gray

Barracudas chase dream fish away
Murky Water; the future’s unclear
Life swims past as my hair fades to gray
My pulse quickens as sunset draws near

Murky Water; the future's unclear
Would it require a full makeover?
My pulse quickens as sunset draws near
Life sets limits on our do-overs

Would it require a full makeover
To attract and win the perfect mate?
Life sets limits on our do-overs
Could it be I’m using the wrong bait?

For Jared’s contest: “The Pantoum”
*  Had to revise to adhere to this form.

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Kash Poet May 31, 2011 at 12:46 PM An excellent pantoum!Hope we will get more such poems on fishing after your return.

David Smalling October 6, 2010 at 5:33 AM It's not the wrong bait, it's the wrong place, Carolyn. Go to that place where queens alone do walk, and your poetry sings with the lark, go to that place where crown jewels sparkle in the sun, there you will find more than one ... waiting to say well done.

Jared Pickett September 23, 2010 at 8:57 AM Carolyn, YOU, Dane Anne, My Sweetheart, Andrea, Doris, Sara, have to be my top favorite poets here on the Soup... You all are not my only, but my top favorite writers.... Congratulations on this well written, and well deserved Pantoum... Keep them coming my friend......:JP]

James Fraser September 5, 2010 at 6:37 AM I'd pay a million dollars just to watch you fishing. Talk about a person in their element, and you certainly would be. Good luck in Jared's fine contest >> James

Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen September 1, 2010 at 5:00 PM I like this poem. It fits with the pantoum form because life is like that ... repeating feelings and experiences now and then, here and there...reapeting again. Good luck in the contest. Love, Dane

Cas Davis September 1, 2010 at 10:47 AM Thanks for the encouragement on my poems, Carolyn. That's an interesting style, there. Never saw it before (yeah, I'm a poetry noob), but yours is very well written. I give it a 7!

Harry Horsman September 1, 2010 at 2:37 AM Oh you could never be accused of using the wrong bait, with your flare for the written word, Carolyn. So much here, so interesting and informative, wonderful. Harry

James Peranteau August 31, 2010 at 3:58 PM My dear Carolyn... you're in a boat...my goodies, and using smelly bait, dead I presume at that! Get on a train dear blondie and sit in an empty seat..."in Philly"...you're sure to catch the perfect date ! 'I'm usually riding into the city 'round 7'anish ! *smiles* much love... totally awesome write Carolyn ! james

T.A. Skyles-Theoklapoet August 31, 2010 at 1:18 PM You did a great job with this one Carolyn.My son-n-law's test came back and he has stage 4 liver cancer so keep us all in your prayers.Please take care of yourself.Teresa Good luck with the contest

Joe Flach August 31, 2010 at 7:16 AM Love this, Carolyn. And don't worry - he's out there - somewhere. I have witnessed many catch that fish right after they stop looking for it. Funny how that happens. Terrific Pantuom. Thanks for sharing. Joe (Soup Mail coming)

Andrea Dietrich August 30, 2010 at 10:26 PM this is creative and a great metaphor on men, CArolyn. Me likes. LUv, Andrea Ps. Try some of my "berries' haha.

Sidney Hall Mad Poet August 30, 2010 at 11:08 AM Beautiful, just beautiful. this is the winner.

Carol Sunshine Brown August 30, 2010 at 8:19 AM Wow I missed reading a lot of excellent poetry this past weekend. Thank you for sharing your writing with us. Hoping you have a wonderful week filled with inspiration Carolyn. Love, Carol

Tahera Mannan August 29, 2010 at 10:52 PM Hey this is a lovely fishy pantoum. Loved it. Thanks for your comments dear friend.

Audrey Haick August 29, 2010 at 8:53 PM Amazing! Wonderful Pantoum, Carolyn. A definite winner, I am sure. Just stopped by tonight to enjoy a few poems. Good luck in Jared Pickett's "The Pantoum" Contest, dear. Love, Audrey

Dr.Ram Mehta August 29, 2010 at 7:20 PM With these musings and heart so pure, you would surely find a perfect mate, Carolyn

Doris Culverhouse August 29, 2010 at 5:13 PM great work, witty write...hope you will find that perfect mate...the one that looks at you and you are forever lost in those pools of promise!

Constance La France August 29, 2010 at 5:00 PM Just wonderful, a sure winner, I tried the multi stanza's also, it was fun to write, best of luck in the contest, dear heart~~

Earle Brown August 29, 2010 at 2:56 PM A lovely write.

De R August 29, 2010 at 12:57 PM I never tried this form before. You really did a great job writing a poem that uses this form. You described the 'game of love' so eloquently. Sometimes is really feels like we're luring a 'mate' with a 'bait'. Good luck in Jared's contest! Emily

Sarah Hales August 29, 2010 at 12:51 PM LOve this and oh so true where do we get the right bait ha ha sarah x

Sara Kendrick August 29, 2010 at 12:50 PM Love comes to those that wait so they say...Good write that should be in the winners' circle...Good luck...Sara

Joyce Johnson August 29, 2010 at 11:50 AM Really a good pantoum. I kept losing how they were supposed to rotate after the first three so that's all the verses I have. Thank you for my big no. 1 in the limerick contest. I am so pleased. Love, Joyce

Wilma Neels August 29, 2010 at 11:17 AM Carolyn this piece is so relatable hey.. I've asked myself this question many times as well.. I loved your approach to the contest. In a way its introspective as well.. All the best for Jared's contest, love Wilma Ps: I survive the 10 km walk :)