Motherless Child

I've raised myself for more than 12 long years; Never had a mother to console me in the midst of tears I never had a mother to show how to be a "lady" or to cook & clean; Nor did I have a father to show me what a real man was or how one is suppose to treat me So I fell prey to almost anything with promises of love Just trying to fill a void Mentally, emotionally, spiritually It destroyed me til I became broken ,my never ending quest of feeling loved, I degraded myself with ppl who didn't see value in me not even for the price in which we exchanged our sexual encounters Becoming a commodity just to survive while folks were paid to care for me but aside from the check they didn't care where I laid my head;battling wars at home and at skool just because I looked unloved with newspaper and trapped rain water inside my shoes, no hairdos,no clothes that fit So I sold my body for school supplies and clothes , so funny it was to laugh at my pain and b shunned when asking for help Coming to grips with the fact that men didn't want me but for the size of my hips,lips,ass and how tight they thought my pussy could grip, I found solace in a bottle drinking morning,noon,& night which eventually stopped working so I started cutting into my veins not enough to die but numb my emotional pain,tried to overdose on pills but would never die; at night cried wondering why was I doomed to live when it was plain that no one gave a damn about me, I mean I was already stamped with a Whore tag just for trying to survive and got even worse when I got pregnant with my "tricks" baby 16 left to be a mother alone,but still moving from home to home, I never could differentiate a healthy relationship from the bad because as long it showed signs of me receiving love I was hooked Just a small page from a worst case scenario of a motherless child still trying to find my way with all my dysfunction