Mortality Forces Me To Confront the Inevitable

Mortality forces me to confront the inevitable... Though feeling one among the basket of deplorables, yours truly, albeit groggy from unsettling frightful dreams also rather shy to summon courage amidst adversity took deep breaths (envisioning egotism inflating confidence, whereat, I never felt so swell during mein kampf – brutish, nasty, short - brevity of existence predicated on lukewarm foreboding), nonetheless "FAKE"emotional state found, this son a gun to bite (or gum, when not wearing dentures) figurative bullet painfully aware, any future prospect would be uprooted to savor metaphorical salad days - I never been there, nor done anything of great moment thus far, hence predicted future mulch ditto rottenly stalked, seeded, peppered... with pestiferous psychological grubs, therefore what appeared as arbitrary decision generated inside ma noggin tossed potential bleak series of unfortunate events (courtesy Lemony Snicket playbook), plus concomitantly set in motion unforeseen consequences, this garden variety humorously cornily bred tasseled fella indubitably sensed deep within marrow of his lovely bones serious decision he needed to make. Without a second to lose, I gingerly removed one after another article of clothing, and told myself to keep cool head at all times, lest sudden change of mind defeat purposeful crystal clear cathartic, holistic, opportunistic...test undermining motherlode of mettle, thence with nary instant to zinc about and offset any chill me right hand (goose pimpled goose pimpled entire body) shocked with heebie jeebies, this naked ape braved weathering cold water showered down upon every imperfect mottled fleshy square inch. Jet of cold water instantaneously roused former corpse like state, though rinsing fugitive moles viz offal body odor found me in a lather, no matter unbridled horse sense muzzled chomping at the bit and sent immediate jolt of joie de vivre forcing endurance against taping hot water momentarily conjuring living, functioning, bathing...of the grid this former Norwegian bachelor farmer alone in the wilderness delving into modus operandi to survive washing aging baby boomer within pellucid ice cold water of Lake Wobegon, where all the women stand strong, all the men (absent this har prevaricator "agent provocateur,") evince good-looking traits, and all the children are above way above average height.