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Mood Indigo Ii

Smiling, I cross the facade.
Mottled, the evening violets
wane -- into a subtle fusion
of smoothly muted grays.
A thin sheen of water lies
fallow Upon stone cobbles.

8/28/2016

feelingsmusesensualfree verse

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Charles Henderson

September 2, 2016 at 2:23 PM

I think lay expresses more of doing something whereas lies just expresses motionless.

Charles Henderson

September 2, 2016 at 2:17 PM

If I were to make any change at all it would be to replace laying in line 5 with lies

Phillip Garcia

September 1, 2016 at 12:15 AM

Very nice, Charles. This is s difficult way to write but you executed really well. I saw Chris said below and your response and I can see what you're both saying. Personally I think you accomplished the right mood and the flow of the poem is so great I wonder even if you did need to add a word would it detract from the rhythm? I don't know but i poem it's wonderful

John Lawless

August 31, 2016 at 7:46 PM

Well, Charles, I kept coming back to this one....Some nice line breaks and smooth cadence and the vividly fleeting dash of mottled violets....Thanks for participating in the contest.