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mood indigo II

Smiling, I cross the facade. Mottled, the evening violets wane -- into a subtle fusion of smoothly muted grays. A thin sheen of water lies fallow Upon stone cobbles. 8/28/2016

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 9/2/2016 2:23:00 PM
I think lay expresses more of doing something whereas lies just expresses motionless.
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Date: 9/2/2016 2:17:00 PM
If I were to make any change at all it would be to replace laying in line 5 with lies
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Date: 9/1/2016 12:15:00 AM
Very nice, Charles. This is s difficult way to write but you executed really well. I saw Chris said below and your response and I can see what you're both saying. Personally I think you accomplished the right mood and the flow of the poem is so great I wonder even if you did need to add a word would it detract from the rhythm? I don't know but i poem it's wonderful
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Date: 8/31/2016 7:46:00 PM
Well, Charles, I kept coming back to this one....Some nice line breaks and smooth cadence and the vividly fleeting dash of mottled violets....Thanks for participating in the contest.
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Date: 8/31/2016 1:11:00 PM
Charles, congrats on your placement with this lovely poem :)-luloo
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