Monoku Monday - Dec 2020

"Reigning Cats and Dogs" Posted 6 Dec 2020 the difference between dogs and cats is dogs have owners, cats have staff who's supposed to read the signs that say 'seeing eye dogs only' the dog? "i love cooking my grandma and cats" don't be a psycho, use commas men are like dogs happy to see you but have no clue why you're upset my cat wants to know why there is no mouse-flavored cat food in the stores? I spilled a little bit of spot remover on my dog now he's gone [humor attribution - #6: Steven Wright, all others were found online, sources unknown] "Pun Ishment" Posted 13 Dec 2020 i smile when there are no wildebeests on my porch no gnus is good gnus chewbacca was nominated yet again for wookiee of the year for city dwellers if you've seen one shopping center you've seen the mall show me where mao tse-tung was buried i'll show you a communist plot the guru refused novocaine to transcend dental medication eskimos rubbing noses potentially could contract snyphilis [humor attribution - first two by Edmo Snord all others were found online, sources unknown] "Age Is Just a Number (Yeah, right!)" Posted 20 Dec 2020 age is just mind over matter if you don't mind it doesn't matter middle age when getting out of bed counts as your daily exercise advice to people over 50 keep an open mind and a closed fridge middle age is when a broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places i may be old but I have the stamina of a man twice my age aging is like grammar you find the present tense and the past perfect don't call me old, aged, or senior i am 'chronologically endowed' i asked my grandfather if he wears boxers or briefs 'depends' he said [humor attribution - first one by Jack Benny, the last four were from the book 'The Gift Of Age' by Richard Lederer. All others were found online, sources unknown] "English Class" Posted 27 Dec 2020 two frequent writing mistakes: pour spelling and badly grammar usage people who can't spell should go to remedial school ...just my too sense cut and dried clichés are a dime a dozen avoid them like the plague a useful tip for would-be writers: don't use no double negatives simile fun: time flies like an arrow fruit flies like a banana the teacher looked my way and said, "give me two pronouns" I said, "who, me"? [humor attribution - second one by Edmo Snord All others were found online, sources unknown]