Monoku Monday - Jan 2021

"2020 Hindsight Collaboration" Posted 4 Jan 2021 new year's resolutions things that go in one year and out the other I resolve to avoid all fatty and unhealthy... wait, is that cake? I can't believe it's been a whole year since I didn't improve myself my resolution is to stop putting things off I start tomorrow I need to eat up all my junk food so it won't be there to tempt me 2021's like Hitler's brother looks good by comparison The following were kindly contributed by Soup poets (with attributions): Twenty twenty soon will depart, let’s raise a glass to a brand new start ~ Jan Allison Lets rid the world of this vile virus which drones on like Miley Cyrus ~ Jan Allison why say Happy New Year's on the 2nd? when the year isn't new anymore ~ Alexis Y May 2021 be a happy New Year... one of cheer, not fear ~ Jenna Logan Let's raise a cup o' kindness and toast the New Year... I'm checking IDs ~ Jenna Logan Should auld Corona be left behind... and never again brought to mind ~ Jenna Logan enter twenty twenty one but only if you've been vaccinated ~ Tom Cunningham // Heartfelt gratitude to those who sent contributions - hope you had fun... here's to pulling together to make 2021 a big improvement over the year that shall not be named... ~ John // "Steven Wright Edition" Posted 11 Jan 2021 at the general store they won't let me buy anything specific if at first you don't succeed you probably shouldn't try skydiving a candle shop burned down everyone started singing happy birthday whenever I think of the past it brings back so many memories if everything is coming your way you're probably in the wrong lane cross country skiing is really fun if you live in a small country a lot of people are afraid of heights not me, I'm afraid of widths [attribution - all humor by the inimitable Steven Wright my gratitude to Susan Ashley for the suggestion] "Dubious Definitions" Posted 18 Jan 2021 narcissist: a person who is always me-deep in conversation inflation: the thing that makes balloons bigger and candy bars smaller politician: one who will do anything for workers but be one cynic: a person who smells flowers and starts looking for a coffin centipede: when you only emptied one one-hundredth of your bladder decaffeinated: a mama cow after giving birth [humor attributions: number 5 by Edmo Snord, all others found online] "Just Asking" Posted 25 Jan 2021 what do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? why do people drive on parkways and park on driveways? it seems rude if pro is the opposite of con what's the opposite of progress? why do people say 'hot water heater'? don't they heat up cold water? if #2 pencils are most preferred why are they still #2? is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as big as it needs to be? [humor attribution: #2 and #3 from Richard Lederer, #4 from Edmo Snord, all others found online - attribution unknown]