Monoku Monday - Nov 2020

"Election Edition" posted 1 Nov 2020 politicians: like diapers, need frequent changing (for the same reason) debates are like steer horns a couple points with lots of bull in between politics: 'poly' (many) plus 'ticks' (bloodsucking parasites) - makes sense! when your crops are disappearing vote for the lesser of two weevils politician: either running for office or running for cover is your refrigerator running? if so, I may just vote for it [Humor attributions]: (1) Apocryphally attributed to Mark Twain, actual source unknown (2) E. Anderson, modified (3) seen on one-liners-and-proverbs.com (4) Patrick O'Brian, modified (5) attribution unknown (6) seen on reddit.com/r/jokes "School Daze" posted 8 Nov 2020 wherever students are being taught math there will be prayer in schools algebra was very easy for the Romans "X" was always 10 getting expelled from cooking school left a bad taste in my mouth procrastination class ended I never got around to joining random question does a chemistry teacher's cat have 18 half-lives? these chemistry jokes are getting old i think it's time to barium [Humor attributions: (1) - Larry Miller all others found online, attributions unknown] "George Carlin Edition" posted 16 Nov 2020 the day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life I've never owned a telescope it's something I'd like to look into work overtime in a distillery and they'll pay you time and a fifth isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? parakeet: a keet that takes care of you until the real keet arrives if a child swears in sign language does his mother wash his hands with soap? // all humor attributed to a brilliant comic and word aficionado, George Carlin // "Random Brain Guano" posted 23 Nov 2020 if a tomato's a fruit then technically ketchup is a smoothie random question what happens if a person is scared half to death twice? i wouldn't make a journey to Mars if it were the last place on earth it's rare now, but in medieval times people were named Lance a lot to make a long story short you should try telling it to small children TSA took away my bengay they accused me of packing heat [Humor attributions: (4) - reddit.com (6) - Dave Weinbaum all others found online, attributions unknown] "Cheesy Humor" posted 30 Nov 2020 It's true the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese a church served swiss cheese with communion it was their holey sacrament american sandwiches that cost an arm and a leg: limb burgers I know the kind of cheese I stole the shop owner yelled "that's nacho cheese!" my cheese ran away from home to pursue grater opportunities when a cheese wedge gets its picture taken does it smile and say "people"? [humor attribution - all humor was found online, source unknown] //my apologies for the above, but it's hard making jokes about matured milk curd without sounding cheesy//