Monoku Monday - Apr 2021
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"Some Grave Humor for Monday Mourning" Posted 5 Apr 2021
take note: if you don't go to your friend's funerals they won't go to yours
some think our cemetery is nice but I wouldn't be caught dead there
i guess i shouldn't say that some people are just dying to get in
for those people who are already buried there things are looking up
the town mortician just moved trust me, he's going to a better place
the busiest man in town just died he was buried in paperwork
hope these one-liners were to die for I guess I just dig grave humor
[humor attribution: #1 Unknown, #2-7 Edmo Snord]
"Guy Walks Into a Bookstore" Posted 12 Apr 2021
A guy walks into a bookstore...
… and asks the clerk "where's the self-help aisle?" she told him "you're missing the point"
then he asked where books on paranoia were she said, "look behind you"
he asked why war and peace was so heavy she said, "it's a long story"
he asked who's the best author on dinosaurs she said, "try Sarah Topps"
"doesn't this book on surgery seem thin?" "its appendix was removed"
"any books on living forever?" "try this by Ida Wanda Dye"
[humor attribution: #1 - George Carlin, all others unknown]
"She Blinded Me With Science" Posted 19 Apr 2021
Pierre and Marie Curie enjoyed a certain special chemistry
my theory of solving inertia hasn't gotten any momentum
a webinar on time travel will be held day before yesterday
i support bacteria they're the only culture some people have
i invented a memory aid can't remember where i put it
a photon never has any luggage it's always traveling light
[humor attribution - all humor found online, of unknown origin]
"May I Quote You on That?" Posted 26 Apr 2021
i'm not afraid of death I just don't want to be there when it happens
~ Woody Allen ~
at McDonald's I ordered fries the guy said, "would you like fries with that?" ~ Jay Leno ~
if I said your body is beautiful would you hold it against me?
~ Groucho Marx ~
these days a verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on
~ Samuel Goldwyn ~
the trouble with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat
~ Lily Tomlin ~
hugs make great gifts one size fits all and no one minds if you exchange them ~ Natasha Isabelle ~
Copyright © John Watt | Year Posted 2021
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