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"Some Grave Humor for Monday Mourning"   Posted 5 Apr 2021
take note: if you don't go to your friend's funerals      they won't go to yours

some think our cemetery is nice      but I wouldn't be caught dead there

i guess i shouldn't say that      some people are just dying to get in

for those people who are already buried there       things are looking up

the town mortician just moved      trust me, he's going to a better place

the busiest man in town just died      he was buried in paperwork

hope these one-liners were to die for      I guess I just dig grave humor

[humor attribution: #1 Unknown, #2-7 Edmo Snord]


"Guy Walks Into a Bookstore"   Posted 12 Apr 2021

A guy walks into a bookstore...

… and asks the clerk "where's the self-help aisle?"      she told him "you're missing the point"

then he asked where books on paranoia were      she said, "look behind you"

he asked why war and peace was so heavy      she said, "it's a long story"

he asked who's the best author on dinosaurs      she said, "try Sarah Topps"

"doesn't this book on surgery seem thin?"     "its appendix was removed"

"any books on living forever?"      "try this by Ida Wanda Dye"

[humor attribution: #1 - George Carlin, all others unknown]


"She Blinded Me With Science"   Posted 19 Apr 2021
Pierre and Marie Curie     enjoyed a certain special chemistry

my theory of solving inertia      hasn't gotten any momentum

a webinar on time travel will be held      day before yesterday

i support bacteria      they're the only culture some people have

i invented a memory aid      can't remember where i put it

a photon never has any luggage      it's always traveling light

[humor attribution - all humor found online, of unknown origin]


"May I Quote You on That?"   Posted 26 Apr 2021
i'm not afraid of death      I just don't want to be there when it happens 
~ Woody Allen ~

at McDonald's I ordered fries       the guy said, "would you like fries with that?"  ~ Jay Leno ~

if I said your body is beautiful       would you hold it against me?  
~ Groucho Marx ~

these days a verbal contract        isn't worth the paper it's written on  
~ Samuel Goldwyn ~

the trouble with the rat race is even if you win      you're still a rat 
~ Lily Tomlin ~

hugs make great gifts     one size fits all and no one minds if you exchange them ~ Natasha Isabelle ~
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