mirroring

some days, i wish i liked my reflection. i wish that i didn't hesitate when saying my name, afraid of that a look will make me take it back. i wish i my name didn't feel like an alias, that i didn't feel like a alien. i wish i didn't choose their convenience over my identity, my truth, me. because now, i look in the mirror and see a stranger, a mutation of mistakes. in my mind i am him, but my eyes see a girl, i see a woman lost in too many addictions, doomed to perish in her own actions, because she could never see who she could be, them, him, her. she didn't have to be her. she could change, but life could only offer a cage around her heart, and tape around her chest. her. I don't want to be her anymore. i want more than this. it's hard to know that who you are is of no importance, not even to those you love. some days, i wish i liked my reflection, but i fear i would rather die than love myself.