Me...Now

April 2 - It's a Wednesday. This day seems different than most. There are random thoughts passing through my mind. Bits and pieces of my past appear in my videomemory. Complete with smells and emotions from the original experience - at least from what I remember. Through no prompting what so ever- and no apparent connection to what is going on in my real time - these thoughts fill my head and heart. It stirs in me - melancholy, and a yearning, for what, I can't decide. It scares me too. They say that right before you die your whole life passes before you. What if that's what I'm seeing? Each memory is at the same time independently beautiful yet meaningless. Together they make up a string of moments that encircle the throat of my existence. Some of them are from long ago far away some are from what seems like yesterday. My heart feels heavy with a desire to make a connection between them and me now. I don't understand how to do that so I just struggle to feel each one to the deepest part of it. Breathe it in and squeeze the sweetness out.