Men Only 2- For Contest

A men only poem, well I never-
that is something odd, for a start
submissions from men
who pick noses and then
will polish it off with a fart.

We undress like drunken mime artists
look like we get dressed in the dark
steer cars like we're swimmin'
and then complain women
do not have a clue how to park.

Our cooking skills are just amazing
we're known for our barbecue fame
coz we somehow have learnt
just which food has been burnt
when it's black it all looks just the same

Our acting is worthy of Oscars
or any such Thespian cup
stagger home fully juiced
with some drunken excuse
but we still avoid getting beat up

In beachwear we are an Adonis
our styling choices are quite bold
from speedos so weeny
to full on Mankinis
...it's small coz the water's too cold....

The world would be worse off without us
devoid of intelligent life
there's nothing to rival
our power of survival
except for the girlfriend.
Or wife.
She told me to put that bit in.
Yes, dear.
I'll be right there.

Submitted with my missus' grudging permission for contest 'Men only #2,
sponsored by Kelly Deschler
July 16th 2015
Copyright © | Year Posted 2015

Poem

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A  Avatar
August 17, 2015 at 2:46 PM
Viv, :-) Congratulations with your wonderful win! *SKAT*
Wigley Avatar
August 21, 2015 at 12:21 AM
Thanks, Skat, sorry for delay replying, got a lot on my plate at present. Viv x
Callus Avatar
August 16, 2015 at 1:46 PM
Fun and humour go hand in hand, Viv, and you provide the whole lot!! Ang your replies to comments are just as good:) ~ Congrats on your win! // paul
Wigley Avatar
August 17, 2015 at 12:10 AM
Thanks Paul, surprisingly good feedback for such an obvious work of fiction (says, Viv, whilst clearing out some earwax with one of our best teaspoons...) Regards, Viv
Deschler Avatar
August 15, 2015 at 3:00 PM
Congrats on 5th place!... A very humorous write, and yes, our lives would become boring without men in them... Really great work, Viv!
Wigley Avatar
August 16, 2015 at 12:42 AM
We aim to please, Kelly, and usually miss. Thanks for a great contest. Viv x
Allison Avatar
August 15, 2015 at 1:46 PM
Dropping back with my congratulations Mr Viv :-) hugs Jan xx
Wigley Avatar
August 16, 2015 at 12:46 AM
Thanks Jan, obviously the poem is fiction. Anyway, gotta go- I'm just hunting down the last of my toenail clippings off the kitchen table. Viv x
Dietrich Avatar
July 21, 2015 at 7:30 PM
hahaha. LOVE LOVE LOVE It. I bow to your wisdom of your own sex!!
Wigley Avatar
August 16, 2015 at 12:41 AM
Thanks, Andrea, a bit late getting back to you, soz, Viv x
Ward Avatar
July 20, 2015 at 1:13 AM
Viv, I think your poem vies // for attention of the judge's eyes... Good luck, Julia, xx
Wigley Avatar
July 21, 2015 at 12:16 AM
Thanks, Julia, x
Vaso Avatar
July 20, 2015 at 12:23 AM
Hey if there was 2 of us, all these half jobs would be all done!!! LOL
Wigley Avatar
July 20, 2015 at 12:47 AM
Arthur, you are a genius. Between us, we could rule the world. In an unfinished fashion. Regards, Viv
Vaso Avatar
July 20, 2015 at 12:04 AM
Tell the misses, this isn't a poem, is a bible for men! Great write!
Wigley Avatar
July 20, 2015 at 12:22 AM
Yes, Arthur, our skills are many and legendary- you should take a look at my half-finished wallpapering. And the garden terrace I've nearly done.... Thanks for dropping by, I appreciate it. Regards, Viv
Guzzi Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 8:05 PM
So Nice to read your verse this evening. It made me smile! Light & Love
Wigley Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 8:07 PM
Thanks, Debbie, it is our job as men to make even the most downhearted woman feel truly thankful that they're not us. Viv x
Fisher Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 7:07 PM
Great fun with your Limerick, Viv. And I totally agree about the Adonis part...which is why fiction usually beats reality.
Wigley Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 8:04 PM
Thanks, David, I shall stick to my normal beach attire, namely a full length bin liner. Regards, Viv
Kendrick Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 5:02 PM
Cute one..Reads like a winner to me..Way to go for the contest..Thanks for the visit to my page..Sara
Wigley Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 8:03 PM
...and a big cuddly thanks from me, Sara. Viv x
La France Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 2:12 PM
Viv, back to read this delightfully fun write for the contest and thanks for visiting my poem, song bird and I love you to
Wigley Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 2:20 PM
Thanks, BW, blessings, Viv x
Delaney Avatar
July 18, 2015 at 11:21 PM
I can always depend on you for a good laugh, Viv: Looks like a winner to me ........lololol SuZ x
Delaney Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 12:12 AM
Too funny, Viv. Keep the laughs coming. SuZ
Wigley Avatar
July 19, 2015 at 12:04 AM
Thanks, Suzy, in my case I apparently have only two faults- everything I say and everything I do. Viv x
Laurie Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 10:35 PM
G'day Viv... this little beauty is just plain funny but of course slightly embarrassing from bits here and there and I'm not telling which bits describe me - catch you mate - Lindsay
Wigley Avatar
July 17, 2015 at 12:36 AM
Well, Lindsay, since you're an Antipodean, your barbie skills are excellent, you enjoy the occasional beer and enjoy life on the beach. So I can only assume that you need to open a window :). Regards, Viv
Lawless Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 7:03 PM
another victim of "dinkage shrinkage".... Viv, I have learned hat a woman's favorite meals are any they didn't have to cook or unwrap.
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 7:27 PM
My good lady can burn water. Unfortunately I have nothing to extinguish it with. Thanks for drpping by, John. Regards, Viv
Onclaud Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:08 PM
i am charmed, viv... well done!.. huggs
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:34 PM
....if I can charm you with my barbecue skills, I must come round and redecorate your house, nette. My D.I.Y skills are just as legendary. Viv x
Stoner Jr Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 2:38 PM
nicely done Viv, much enjoyed but I will not take claim to any of the above, good luck in the contest.
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:42 PM
Fortunately, Robert, I think I've got away with fooling everyone into thinking that I'm totally inept. Or have I? Regards, Viv
Allison Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 1:58 PM
simply hilarious Mr Viv good luck in the contest:-) hugs jan xx
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:29 PM
Yes Jan, I'm simple and hilarious, well spotted. Hope you're well. Viv x
Konos Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 10:32 AM
It's Viv...saving the world one laugh at a time!...Oh and I'm not buying the "yes dear" coming from Mr. Macho.....
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:28 PM
You're very perceptive, Judy- I am quite capable of holding my own. I have to, otherwise, she'd tear it off. Viv x
La France Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 10:24 AM
Viv, totally delightful, wonderful for the men's only contest 7 and thanks for visiting my haiku 13
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:27 PM
Thanks, BW, this poem is totally tongue in cheek. Anyway, gotta go- she's just coming out of the bathroom aaaaargh!
Holmes Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 9:18 AM
A great poem and a good laugh Viv..and thanks for the comment......Peter
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:16 PM
Thanks Peter, we're not all that bad, really. Or are we....... regards, Viv
Horsman Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 7:52 AM
Oh looks like a winner to me, awesome poetry.
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 6:14 PM
Cheers, Harry, we have our moments, though. Regards, Viv
Nance Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 7:27 AM
Haha friggin' hilarious! I loved it! :) big smiles!
Wigley Avatar
July 16, 2015 at 7:29 AM
Thanks, Casarah, obviously fiction, though. Thanks for suspending your powers of belief for a minute :) . Viv x
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