Melons Mabel

*A very loose form of Limerick, but Mabel deserves lots of syllables. There once was a waitress with the name of Mabel Who used her bosom as a restaurant table Beneath her double chins Mabel flaunted her twins The one on the right, Cain and the left one, Abel The locals knew not to make fun of the lady Ol' Teddy swaggered in, looking kinda shady He taunted her with smut She punched him in the gut That's the last we all saw of Teddy O'Grady Mabel looked real nice in her crimson ruffled gown Two cups of coffee; 'pon her boobs she set 'em down And when I smiled at her She said, "Thank you, sir" I left her a satisfied tip of a half-crown When eating lunch, Mabel never uses a plate Don't insult her by declaring she's overweight Cause she'll call you a lout Chew you up, spit you out If you tell her she needs a train to move her freight Mabel's knockers would put the Grand Tetons to shame But they're the reason she's in the town's Hall of Fame She wins beauty contests With her grandiose breasts I think 'Melons Mabel' is a comely nickname