May 17
I imagined you sitting there
On your wheelchair
Head to one side
Watching me water the garden
Reaching out to touch the bougainvillea
Smiling your crooked smile
The water gushed from the hose
And from my eyes
I miss you
Especially today,
Your birthday
Right on the eve of mine
And you aren’t here, Mama
You aren’t here.
I lost you too soon
Too soon, Mama
I’m not talking about the day
You passed away
I’ m talking about growing up
Knowing
Knowing that illness was eating away
Your life
Your hope
Your dreams
Your passion
Your joy
I grew up seeing the blood
The burns
The stiches
The lopsided smile
The hazy eyes
I grew up hearing....
The coughing
The slurred speech
I grew up knowing
Knowing...
That I’m losing you
I remember the afternoon
When you looked at me and said,
“You’re afraid, afraid I’m going to die, aren’t you?”
I heard the catch in your voice
And all the fears I’d held back
Came gushing out
And you held me as we both cried
Knowing
Knowing….our birthday celebrations together
Would be limited
Today is your birthday, Mama
May 17….tomorrow it’s my birthday
May 18…and through it all
I remember you
And I miss you
And I want you to know
All the things that are happening in my life
But you’re asleep…waiting for the wakeup call
To be free of your wheelchair
Of your prison
Mama, we’ll celebrate life together in heaven!
Soon, Mama!
It will be soon!
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