Man and Wife

MAN My eyes are puffed and wrinkled And I have a triple chin. My hair, with grey, is sprinkled And, in parts, has grown quite thin. My stomach is extending And where once was a six pack There’s no use in my pretending, It’s more of a gunny sack. My legs are now as thin as canes With nuggets at the knees And smoky blue protruding veins Like gorgonzola cheese. And yet my time’s so quickly fled That I still can’t quite see why That young girl didn’t turn her head As I went swaggering by. And it still pains to discover That the young women I fancy, rather Than see me as a potential lover See me as a second father. But I’ll not be daunted by time’s meanness While I still have in my life That chubby, saggy-breasted Venus Who agreed to be my wife. WIFE My eyes are puffed and wrinkled. I’ve liver spots on my skin My hair with grey is sprinkled And I’ve grown another chin. My waist is twice its former size (It was once so sleek and svelte) And the breasts that once could poke out eyes Are now tucked into my belt. My legs are now as thick as trees With ghastly veins of blue And mighty dimples at the knees Hiding my toes from view. And yet my time’s so quickly fled That I still can’t quite see why That young man didn’t turn his head As I went swinging by And I still get drunk and try to flirt With young men who feel harassed But the alcohol can’t numb the hurt When they turn away embarrassed. But all of this amounts to zero Since my life’s been made complete By the balding pot-bellied hero Who swept me off my feet.