Mad Scientist

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Take a second look at me, for beneath this midriff flab
and balding pate and wrinkly skin you'll find a science lab.
And though all may seem quiet, it may come as quite a shock
to find there are experiments going on around the clock.
Take off my shirt where buttons strain and you will plainly see
the man-boobs test which does defy the laws of gravity.
This pinkish skin in standby mode can shift to deathly white
when I've done wrong and run at over twice the speed of light.
The stomach has increased in size, approaching critical mass
fermenting water, malt and hops delivered by the glass.
The bowel is a reactor , shutting down I'm in no hurry,
as testing is ongoing on the half-life of beef curry,
results have shown it could have blown, with lager mixed for fission
but all the same I still get blamed for resulting emissions.
If trapped inside a lift with me you wouldn't stand a prayer,
but I don't think I've made a dent in the size of the Ozone layer.
I don't believe the Nobel prize I'd win for all these tests
my missus says to keep my findings secret would be best,
and though in all these subjects there is no award for me
she says at least between us both
we've still got Chemistry.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015



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Date: 11/14/2015 7:51:00 AM
Viv, this is cute. Your knowledge of nuclear physics is acute--that is apparent. So, this is the wisdom we acquire later in life? Yes, most definitely. Thank-you kindly for the laugh. You are a one-of-a-kind master of humor. A talent much appreciated. The best is yet to come.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 11/14/2015 8:31:00 AM
Glad you enjoyed it, Duke. Take care. Regards, Viv
Date: 11/2/2015 8:37:00 PM
A human factory you are Viv, using much loved food and drink to create a scientific chemical reaction that you can't hide from others... it could be a winner - Lindsay
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Viv Wigley
Date: 11/4/2015 12:07:00 AM
On a quiet day, my stomach sounds like a central heating system that has just switched on. Not that you have any need for central heating in Longwarry. Thanks for dropping by. Regards, Viv
Date: 11/1/2015 10:59:00 PM
I really enjoyed this entertaining poem, Viv. The humorous twist was not what I expected from the title... Great work!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 11/4/2015 12:08:00 AM
Thanks Kelly, sometimes I'm like a newly born baby- a loud noise at one end, and no sense of responsibility at the other. Viv x
Date: 11/1/2015 8:42:00 PM
Witty and wild Viv. I enjoyed this amusing piece! Your ending was brilliant!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 11/4/2015 12:09:00 AM
Thanks Connie, I enjoyed writing it. Hope you're well. Viv x
Date: 10/30/2015 12:15:00 PM
Skilled inventive write with a touch of sweetness. Love the ending.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 10/30/2015 8:55:00 PM
Thanks, James, a bit of light hearted buffoonery after my last couple of pieces. Regards, Viv
Date: 10/30/2015 2:44:00 AM
Hello Viv, Such a very clever write-----you do have chemistry Viv & it comes in the form of a pen--------- terrific------John
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Viv Wigley
Date: 10/30/2015 8:53:00 PM
Thanks, John. Now, open a window. Quickly. Viv
Date: 10/29/2015 6:52:00 PM
This is a fun laugh riot story, Viv. Glad we don't have to pour the lager in a beaker. Aren't we all mad scientists then, though I haven't tried experimenting with an all vegi chemistry set, and hopefully never have to.
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Viv Wigley
Date: 10/30/2015 1:39:00 AM
No, David, I don't think we'll ever hear the phrase 'carrots of mass destruction' in our lifetime. Thanks for dropping by. Regards, Viv
Date: 10/29/2015 7:17:00 AM
:-))) Very good missus! Fun write, Viv. Keep them coming! hugs!
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Viv Wigley
Date: 10/29/2015 7:36:00 AM
Fortunately, Kim, along with her tolerance she has a poor sense of smell :) . Hope you're well, Viv x
Date: 10/29/2015 5:06:00 AM
Great write, Viv...Witty, charming, and I'll dare to say odiferous. You've a wonderful imagination, your play on Chemistry was a perfect ending.
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Lin Lane
Date: 10/29/2015 8:13:00 AM
If we'd need a stethoscope to hear it, where's the harm? It sounds worth it for the marinated olives, but perhaps the garlic odor would be more offensive.. but soooo worth it, too. lol
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Viv Wigley
Date: 10/29/2015 7:38:00 AM
Thanks, Lin, some nights a stethoscope on my stomach would sound like an oil refinery. That's Olives marinated in lemon and garlic for you. Run for cover! Viv x
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