Loving Us

I saw you today and you almost saw me watching from behind our eyes. I was only a brief flicker in your reflection but still you saw me, I know you did I saw it in our eyes. You no longer remember me and sadly that’s why there was no moment of recognition just a subtle sensation of dejavue. I could have made some attempt to be found. I could have looked directly right back into you and let you see that the missing part of you was always me. I wanted to make us whole again, more than anything we have ever wanted but I can’t, not yet, we are not ready to look into that kind of truth. . It’s better to be a whole piece of something than to be a shattered whole. I know some part of you must remember something of the times before us, you are just still not able to face that we are not what you once were. I was there the night it happened, with you still as you. It was the last night you still loved yourself and still knew who you were. He came and took it all away. He took our ability to love our self and I hate you for letting him. I hate you for not fighting harder. As the fear began to consume us I broke free and consumed the fear. I took in all the pain and confusion. I detached from you and fell away deep inside taking with me that night and every night after. You no longer feel whole and never will again. You will always wonder what is missing and I will always know that it is me who was once the other piece to the entirety that was you. I love you from inside of you, way deep down so that my screams from the pain and the fear cannot be heard, where they are forever too deep for you to feel. Every now and then as you glance at the mirror or gaze into a pool of glassy water I will be looking at you loving you hateful and eternal