Loved?
Sometimes I feel
like I’m all caged in
by bars tempered
with my own tears.
Sometimes I hear
these tapes playing
and wonder why they
seem to drown out
everything else
when they’re only
in my head.
Sometimes I feel
like I’m all alone
in a crowd of friends
though I know it’s a self-imposed
exclusion
seclusion.
Sometimes I see
my fear
in front of me
tangible, like a scepter
a ghost of who I don’t
want to be.
Sometimes I feel
like nothing short
of my own love
(a miracle)
can take me away
from this pain.
Sometimes I reach out
and pull close
anything and everything
that makes me feel good
– no matter how harmful –
yet I am never satisfied.
Sometimes I feel
like you are here
only to tease me
with something
I can never have
or ever be:
truly loved.
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