Lost, Yet

Once ... Yes, once, but not now ... I am not IN the world anymore - so far gone, is that state of quixotic and callow carelessness ... not the age, not the cluster-freak of hormones, but the crystallic condition of constant, total amazement that shot through my neurons like sal volatile. Three lifetimes away, it waves at me, across a bog of black, boiling bitterness and escape. I am an eel in a condom, slipping through a murk of subsistence, without a passion or pain or pounded fist ... praying to god-like phantoms, screaming my lungs in utter silence, for one precious moment of real life.