Longing The Idea Of You

The day you left parts of me died. Go ahead and call me dramatic Yes, i have thought about everything bad and that it was a good thing. Yet I still long for the good memories we once shared The plastic positivity that I once believed was real. I suppose I miss the person I was too. The person who believed anything The person that thought that she was worth loving The person who loved someone. Now I’m lost, Circling a maze that seems to have no exit. A maze with windows of the outside Where people are happy I’m stuck inside. Broken, not knowing how to handle myself Looking. Longing for what they have. Happiness within themselves. Happiness with others. Something I can’t seem to achieve Unless fabricated in my own mind. Not knowing how to handle such things. Not knowing how to love myself. That’s what learning is for I suppose. To find these things. To love yourself first so you don’t rely on others I’m learning that I’m learning how to handle emotions How to discuss things I try desperately to lock away That crying is ok Slowly, rebuilding what you said you wouldn’t break. But god damn it’s hard. I struggle everyday trying to move forward. To get up. You made what was there worse. Yet I still want what I thought we had. Everyday more difficult adding to the chasm that was there to begin with. Yet I rebuild. Filling the hole I desperately want gone with tools I learn Knowledge I gain. Trying Begging myself to walk away from you. From people like you. Changing myself for me.