Living In a Toxic Bottle
black rotten salad shoved in between my lips
It was always the poison or a kick in the hips
I would’ve thrown it away but the witch caught my hand
Took a fork and shoved it in; I still can’t understand
Felt real sick all year with every expired munch
Eleven school years that I never ate my lunch
Curse words and disorders is all she ever named me
Every hour out of school she would always blame me
Underweight from malnutrition—still she body-shamed me
Who was I in the past that caused this life to maim me?
Holidays are days I wish would never exist
Can’t sit for a minute and can’t fix what I missed
Yells over nothing but her words add to the list
Finds me in the bathroom slitting up my wrist
Can’t understand my logic but won’t let me explain
It’s like trying to air-dry towels in the rain
No matter what cliff I climb the scenery’s the same
It’s like having choices you can’t choose in her game
Counselors always callin’ cuz the kids won’t stop snitchin’
And then they didn’t have to cuz the teachers saw it plain
Always told em it's an accident, some bad fall in the kitchen
But now the anger makes it hard to hide away the pain
black rotten salad shoved in between my lips
First I didn’t swallow but then I felt the kicks
Sister watched by laughing and filming me too
It felt like chewing fungi straight out of the loo
Snot and tears ran down to season the greens
Still to this day I wonder who was I in the past
What did I do to history to be living under these means?
Perhaps my clouds were meant to be overcast.
Copyright © Samanta Fuller | Year Posted 2023
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