Litany of Cat Complaints

LITANY OF CAT COMPLAINTS Why so glum Rusty? Offered Max as a tentative One-no-trump opener. Well, it’s all down to you guys - Rusty offered a thought,“They mix us all up and don’t know who to blame. And they use all sorts of names Behind my back and -- to strangers if you please!” It’s “That fat bastard” or “the black one” Or if they feel in a good mood “The fat one” or just “Fat Face” C’mon Rusty, tell us your real name and we won’t laugh C’mon I have heard it already and so has Jimbo So it’s no secret. All the guys know it. OK - so it’s “Tiddles” - all right? “He hawhehwaw - wat ! ! ??” (widespread guffaws) Jimbo snorted “Effeminacy personified! You should refuse to answer until they call you Rusty or Bobby or some real man’s name” You should spray on his new flowers when they call you Tiddles And on the window sill if he serves up that same packet cat food again Good idea! I reckon I will. Max added “And did you hear my people Shouting and screaming yesterday?” I said “What’s the big deal? So I ate two half-cooked sausages - and on the floor. So?” But there was no appeal to reason: I was slapped with her pink slipper, and They went hysterical and I was flung out. Let me tell you I sprayed all her tulips as well as his freakin’ dahliasl” Yeah, and my flower garden got a double dose yesterday too After he called me Fat Face to the milkman. Jimbo, whats the story with the tail? How come you don’t curl your tail Around the feet like us? Didn’t read the chapter on TAILS in your cat handbook? He haw He haw he ! ! Rusty -remember the Nissan Primera? Yeah, Jimbs, I recall the story now. “This story was an old rusty Ford” said Max The rusty fender fell on your tail. The story has moved upmarket now with a Primera. Anyhow, the tail just doesn’t sit neatly around your feet. You lnow - I think I’d have it seen to. Oh don’t mention “seen to” to me again, after What they did to my unmentionables. I don’t want to be “seen to" ever again. Max threw in his sardonic final comment You’re not likely to have to be “seen to” again Jimbs. And no one can blame you for Lucy being pregnant again Automatically, as usual in these situations, we all instantly added Not me ! Not me ! Not me ! “He haw ! ! ” (widespread guffaws) ………and so to sleep……. 24 May 2020