Life Sucks

I'm not suicidal But sometimes I get The thoughts, The feelings, The urges The overwhelming Sadness takes over And I can't move Or get away from it It shuts down my body And I can't do anything I get the thoughts Of ending it all And it tears me down But I only entertain Them to help Because I know I Could never go Through with it The feelings are Always so strong, Leaving me with Pools of tears With nothing to Dry them up I'm not suicidal But I do occasionally Want anything to Just replace or Make me ignore The darkness I won't go too Far like bleeding Or severe damage, Only enough to Focus on that Instead of the pain I'm not suicidal But I wonder How it would feel To be free of This continuous pain, The feelings of being Stuck in one place Forever with that Sadness and pain It would be nice To leave them behind, But I can't, so I'll just Think about what it Would be like, What a better world, What a better life it Would be for me I'm not suicidal But it all still hurts Written on June 22, 2020