Lettuce Pray - Or What Not To Do In Church

A funeral is not the place when you find you need to laugh Here is my true story about my little gaffe I hope this poem does not offend It is written in memory of a very special friend My father’s friend had passed away And to the church we went that day I was heavily pregnant and feeling glum And awaiting the birth of my lovely son The priest he came from a foreign land His words we found hard to understand When he said the words ‘let us pray’ I bowed my head and heard him say……. ‘Heavenly Farter’ (I cannot remember the rest) For tears of laughter were falling onto my chest The more I tried to stifle my laughter The worse I became, it was a total disaster I got a hanky to suppress the giggle My shoulders up and down they did wriggle Tears were flowing from my eyes My husband looked at me with great surprise He took me by the hand and we left the church On the pretext I was so upset and needed a quiet place to perch Outside the church my laughter freely flowed My eyes were shiny and my cheeks they glowed When my father finally came out I told him of the priest’s error and at me he did not shout He decided he better have a ‘quiet word’ Their conversation it was not overheard On our next visit to the Catholic Church Out of the building I hoped I would not have to lurch I got ready to bow my head to pray And then I heard the priest say …… HEAVENLY FARZER! Oh thank the lord My father’s words he had taken on board Now when I hear the words ‘let us pray’ I cringe and remember that awful day Jan Allison 7th February 2014 Contest The Poet III sponsored by Gautami Phookan ~awarded 3rd place~