Letter To My Firstborn

if all you can do is watch birds and wonder how they fly and wish you could free the one caged in you in the dark paths of your being then the only urge your mind will hand to you from pure instinct will be to stretch out your hand out into the stars and let the moon read your palms and trace your life following the beat of your heart live free within the four walls of your heart and never peek outside because the wind out there is toxic it burns the lungs and eats through the veins until the walls around you crumble and you stand out in the open, naked for the world to see Remember, that little voice in your head is right, once again you need to play it over and over again until your head spins in the right direction and until the fog has cleared One day in my dreams II promised God I'd never tell you about love but its imperative that that promise, becomes the only one that I pretend to never remember making just so I can say to you love is simple but we complicate it with all that we dress it in Here I am, not able to understand the word it self but attempting to write it down hoping one day you will know that your mother, selfless as she is loved easily and she defined her love as giving, forgiving, living and giving and that in all of those she never took because it never seemed enough bu she,, had a big heart with enough cheer to spread around enough laughter to feed everyone but her world fell silent as the night crept in bringing with it monsters she feared the most for her to face first hand she could never tell the world that she had a bruise covered in cotton candy the kind that melts each time she smiled at her self but child, I wish you never become anything like her so to state that as a request to God I will call you "Nhlanhla" hoping for him to listen to my pleas and help me do the one thing I most probably will be proud of and for the first time let me take happiness out of life...