Legend

I walk this earth, unbeknown to human kind an heir to Legends, men of mighty deeds who through the force of fire and stars we find those such as I the offspring of their seeds. Hercules, his power and strength unmatched was challenged by the Gods, challenged in vain, the Hydra by his own hand was dispatched and Nemean Lion, too, met fate the same. Achilles, near invincible I'll admit (and yes I know he sometimes dressed like ladies) sent countless warriors into the pit ne'er to return, unseen the realm of Hades. Fin MacCoul took on Aillen, Tuatha De Danann, when each year on Tara the creature rounded, but finally fell by the spear of man and sleeps until Dord Fiann thrice is sounded. With Hammer, Iron glove, from Nordic stock the mighty Thor showed Jotnar who was boss, until his end foretold at Ragnarok, a testament in stone on Thorwalds cross. From such as these who stories shall not end, these champions and Gods, what e're their names, I also by my deeds now do descend to stand among their ranks and stake my claim. For I, too, am Hero. I change a three pin plug without a thought without referring to a diagram, assembling flat pack furniture is nought, no need have I of cryptic two page plans. Foregoing sleep, no need for sustenance household spiders with glass I stalk and snare then fearlessly propel them over fence to neighbour's garden where they languish there. The lids of pickle jars cannot withstand onslaught from twisting sinews in my wrist, abhorring a vacuum, by my command they pop, admit defeat, cannot resist. The elements and I stand face to face as windows I squeegee atop a ladder, my maiden below holds me firm in place yet fearful lest I should relieve my bladder. My Lady is thus pleased I wield such powers, I take her approbation with a nod, happy she won't now nag me for an hour for by these feats, for once- I am a God.