Learning when how to close seat then

Learning when/how to close seat then... flush... the toilet with good frisson! Bull leave me you, though how bison teen and juvenile from a sixty four year old married male no less! (alternately titled long windedly using lower case letters: no matter tidily bowled over based upon real events, perhaps subject devoid of literary merit and/or taste no embarrassment, cuz I got nothing to cover despite precious time going to waste). Analogous to constipation, constitutes full term pregnancy, perhaps umpteenth or first, which former offal bodily function I durst mention, said subject doth stink, yet... exercising bowel applicative, constrictive, effective, exhaustive, gesticulative, instinctive, massive, oppressive, qualitative, quantitative, significative and unitive (beg to differ if ye think me perverse) both scenarios prone to stress and strain, difficulties can arise evacuating bowels gluteus maximus muscles severely pursed, radiating sharp stabbing sensations behind junk in trunk quarters felt until bulging temple veins ready to burst, where piles of hemorrhoids foul rectum tortured and accursed necessitating Judas Priest well versed to issue last rites while appropriate official dull livers worst news to missus, whose inconsolable sympathies nursed, nevertheless bit torrent of sorrow honor alone time with grateful dead subsequently finds medical personnel disbursed, privately newly minted widow mourning tears for fears immersed bemoaning sudden permanent absence gone fore e'er foremost farter figure first instance obliterated, when posterior uproariously (actually not funny) inflicted hemorrhage emergency, die hard ludicrous poet (me) experienced all expense chauffeured ride in hearst aforementioned purportedly roughly comparable, courtesy hearsay, when hypothetical woman with child, (here, I metaphorically paraphrase) as maven ready to take aim giving birth (nine months after satiating hankering call of the wild buzzfeeding miracle worker whipped thirst, and temporarily appeased inherent maternal yearning to beget offspring, then... off to races sprinting at greased lightning speed amazingly enough slightly protruded womb, (among other fledgling and/or practiced moms avid runners all touted as winners relay race crossing finish line simultaneously comprising distance measuring more'n verst.