Kissing Girls

I think of my sexuality The same way I think of chemistry class: Pretty often, And with a definite air And complete and utter confusion. I believe I had exactly one day Of sexual conviction- I came out to my boyfriend, Sort of, And I posted repeatedly on the Internet- But it didn’t take long For my questions to come back. How do you label yourself When you fall somewhere between the lines, Somewhere murky And perhaps a little scary? The terms are all so complicated, So unknown, And all so very taboo. We can barely get lesbians On prime-time TV, Let alone a bisexual Or an asexual Or, God forbid, a pansexual. I’ve tried on sexualities Like bell-bottom jeans: They all sort of fit, But none hug me the way I want them to. I spent a few days as a pansexual. A few weeks as a poly. Now bisexuality is creeping up Like a Peeping Tom in light-up Sketchers And a singing Christmas sweater. Sometimes, I’m convinced That all of this questioning Is just useless blather. After all, a single label Isn’t going to change my life. I know who I’m not- Isn’t that enough? Sometimes, the desire to just know Consumes my every thought And I have to remind myself That I think about kissing girls Far too much to be straight. 1/7/18