I'Ve Become That Mother

I, me, I, myself, I've become what I never thought I would The monsters I've worked so hard to fight, are now me, I, He put his hands on her neck To hurt me, to scare me But he scared her The fear in her eyes, the tears that came running down her face will always haunt me She was screaming, mommy help me! I stood there terrified, I quickly agreed with him so he could put her down I ran to her, she ran to me and we embraced each of us sobbing Her heart beating fast like mine Holding her tight, protecting her Am in love, or so I think I am so blurred with stupidity that I hurt what is mine I can't see beyond the lies and the fears Maybe it's the fear of being alone, being a single parent Or the fear that am not "happily married" like most of my age mates Or the fear, that I will be placed on the judgment bench by my culture; once married you have to take the bad and good, you have to tolerate, you shouldn't complain, it'll be a disgrace if you go back to your mother's house, stick to it, look at your mothers and learn The umbrella of abuse has so many holes You are always soaking wet with pain and fear My smiley makeup that I put on everyday, has to be redone every second It never lasts Sometimes behind a beautiful smiley, hides abuse and violence *Written for a friend*