Introducing, New - Diet Dr Dishwater: a Manifesto For a New Kind of Nihilist

What's the point of Dr. Dishwater? Well, what's the point of anything? The only thing that appears to have a concrete purpose is my car key - And I haven't been able to afford a car in years! Dr. Dishwater emphatically rejects anything that is not dishwater, and fully supports anything that is: And that's how we'll keep the human race pure of interbreeding (with the always friendly faces of "eugenics" and "Social-Darwinism" as our watchwords.) The better you understand something, the more like dishwater it turns out to be: In a triple blind taste test - I preferred Dr. Dishwater to having my eyes yanked from their sockets (even while under general anesthetic.) Dr. Dishwater says, "Don't be fooled into thinking there has to be a reason for everything" - Because you'll buy whatever we tell you to: Dishwater or not! Dr. Dishwater reveals the surprising truth about people and situations - Just add a little dishwater and they're pretty much all the same... ...Dr. Dishwater does not subscribe to any religion, or endorse any political party, or do anything other than dishwater - Those who disagree must be illegal aliens. There is no real secret to feeling dishwater - But if one is foolish enough to drink Dr. Dishwater while visiting Seattle, their stomach will explode! Dr. Dishwater may be the preferred drink of other people such as yourself - If you're anything like other people and the situations they find themselves in with dishwater. Never overestimate the remarkable abilities of Dr. Dishwater brand soda - Try 'new' Diet Dr. Dishwater instead: You'll swear you're drinking genuine dishwater, at only half the calories! Please wake up every morning knowing that things are going to be dishwater - They had better be, or you'll get diabetes!