Inside My Mind At Age Nine

Its dark, I’m in my bed, A million thoughts are racing through my head, The time is drawing near, My body is filled with fear, I hear the door knob turning, I’m starting to sweat and my eyes are burning, I’m crying because I know what’s coming, He gets closer and I can feel the vomit forming, My stomach is in knots, He’s almost to the bed and no one is around to stop it, I feel his touch and it makes my skin crawl, My body tenses up and I curl into a ball, My body shakes and I can feel his breath, I close my eyes and pray for god to end it all, Why is this happening to me? What did I do? Why won’t he leave me alone and find something else to do? I’m only nine, and these are the thoughts going through my mind, I want so much to scream out loud but my fear Keeps me silenced as he tells me I better not make a sound, He touches me and makes me do things I don’t want to do, I’m in pain, and there is no rescue, He said it’s just a game, a secret between us two, If you ever tell, no one will believe you, I put my hands over my mouth, To suppress my cries as he continues, He continues to violate me, I feel his hands down there and I gag from his profuse odor I feel weak and dirty, I wish I could just die, So then he can no longer hurt me, I just want it to be over, I continue to cry as he has his way with me, A grown man, touching a child, My very own lifetime movie, But unlike a movie, I can’t just change the channel, I turn my head away, so I can’t see his face, He’s still there, quickening his pace, It’s almost over, I hope and pray I wish someone would help me, Take me away from this hell, He’s done now, he panting and sweaty, He leaves the room and my heart is heavy, is this how it’s going to be? Will he keep coming and taking my innocence away from me? Why won’t someone come for me? Will I ever be free? I’m only nine; these are the thoughts that are going through my mind.