Innocent Taken

My innocence was taken at such a young age I was molested, neglected, and almost rape I was abused and used and left so confused I was such a young girl not knowing what to do, do I tell do I shout do I tell my mother what all these scars on my wrist is all about do I hide from these monsters that lived in my house I went numb for years hiding all my pain cutting my wrist so I won't go insane even when I stop all the abuse it was too late because now the monster inside me has now grown I was angry and pissed that the s*** happened to me it wasn't only from strangers it was from my own family the people who was supposed to love me and protect me the most when I looked in their eyes it was so gross the evil and the demon that lived within them reflected on me the secret and lies they had me keep so I can protect them from all their shame my love for those family members was no longer the same once I realize what they were doing to me, hurting me, neglecting me, and abusing me,.. then time has passed and I turned 17 and my mom saw my wrist not knowing why I was doing what I did, hurting myself but how could I tell my mother my story untold I thought to myself I can't tell my mother what happened to me she'll go insane she was pissed and confused not knowing what to do the funny thing is she taught me what to do, she taught me how to relieve my pain not knowing what she released the demon inside that was too late to tame not only cutting my wrist was my thing to do I was then introduced to drugs and it was like a dream come true weed, acid, and cocaine and PCP was now my escape I was no longer a child living in that dark place the drugs helped me deal with all the pain and shame I felt inside for keeping all those secrets and all those lies and then one day I was so high I spoke to God he said Rosina enough is enough you need to learn how to release your pain forgive those people for doing what they did even your family members remember it happened to so many kids but don't worry because they're suffering for what they did to you you was just a child not knowing what to do, for what they did now they live in a dark place you would thought I'll be happy hearing what I heard but that's not what I wanted I wanted to know why I couldn't be a happy kid I wanted to hear that they was sorry for doing what they did I was just a young girl a child a kid I wanted them to explain why they did what they did what did I do for them to do that to me then to ask my grandfather why was I used I hated him for for years for him doing what he did but then I realized it was a monster that lived within him then to ask my grandmother why I was so abused but then I realized that's what she knew I realized that's what she was taught she didn't know how to be a mother a grandmother nor nothing of the sought the list could go on and on and on but then I became an adult and I got tired of singing the same old song I was delt f***** up cards and that's how I was felt then I told my mother what all the cuts was about and I forgave my abuses for doing what they did that doesn't mean I will ever forget the torture and the pain that I lived with as a kid I still suffer from doing drugs and cutting my wrist but what you expect from a person that lived a up child hood that i lived I also realize all the pain and hurt that I went thought many kids went through the same things that I did and the sad thing is I wasn't the only unhappy kid but my faith in God is so strong that one day all this pain and hurt will soon be gone so this is the part of my story that I have told the next poem will be more stories unfold