Inadvertently, Accidentally

So I set sail alone not heading for the setting seas just treading on my own two feet The destination, I'm unaware I'm just sinking steadily like a stone in a stagnant pond a lonely screw lodged in a tire, a screw up How do I manage every single time inadvertently, accidentally contain a sample of the traits worn by the goddess of discord How do I manage every single time inadvertently, accidentally become a different someone while devouring confidence like a small child consumes candy on Halloween Am I simply an addict who refuses rehab addicted to bad decisions? addicted to making mistakes? addicted to challenges? addicted to melancholy? I could blame it all on the weather blame it all on the rain but I'd be telling a story Rain is oxycotin for this pessimist rain provides a small amount of optimism yet these latest weeks optimism and hope have played the part of Benedict Arnold have acted like a father who promised to visit but never manifested into a loving embrace I guess the trouble lies with the optimistic pessimist since in the end it all falls apart it all fall aparts So I set sail all alone the destination unknown I'm not heading for the setting seas just treading on my two feet in search for a beautiful serenity because the one I'm in is killing me