In Solitude, I Remember

At times of solitude, I reflect back on my past transgressions. Pondering the errors, in retrospect, to maintain an ongoing progression. Daily, I remind myself of who all I have failed. Ignorantly, I did things my way, to no avail. Pridefully, allowing my flesh decide the direction I'd go. Which led me, lost in a circle, stepping on my own damn toes. Now, I can only look back on the decisions I fully regret. As a result, giving back to karma, that my past stacked up in debt. I continuously play the tape of my wrongs, in a perpetual loop, So that the memory of my consequences will never elude. One fear I have is allowing this awakening to slip through my fingers. Therefore, I pray I continue to do better than the old ways I remember. Still, the devil scratches at my door wanting in. Reminding me of all my failures and that it's hopeless yet again. But I already admonish myself of the errors of what I did wrong. So, the devil is just playing me a worn out song. He will try to find other ways to bring me down. But my belief in God has the devil tied and bound. It's easy to fall back into my old selfish ways, and to give up what I worked so hard for today. The most important thing I gained is the real me; Which is now a solid foundation to my life and how God intented me to be. Although, God sent me many signs to gain my attention, It wasnt till I lost everything that I finally started to listen. My dad always said that I was hard-headed for doing things my own way. He warned me of the outcomes, but my final decisions he couldn't sway. Sometimes, I wonder, if I did things different would my parents still be here today. Though I have to remember, the past I cannot change, and not to dwell on yesterday. I like to think the choices I now make, my parents may still see. So somehow, all the times I let them down, they can now be proud of me.