Immature

Childish. Clingy. Needy. Immature. All things describing me. All things people find annoying. All things my love has found a nuisance. I try to not be overwhelming. I try not to be overbearing. But sometimes I can’t help it. I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel at home with him. It feels secure enough to act childish. I thought it was fine. I thought he didn’t mind. Until he said I need to change. Until he said I need to “act like the public.” Until he thought I couldn’t be mature. I know how to act properly around adults. I know how to be mature. Why did he say that? I thought he knew I could be responsible. But he thinks I’m immature… He thinks I have to change… Not around him, he said. But around others… He doesn’t know I have to mirror. He doesn’t know I forget my own personality sometimes, all because of mirroring others so much. To be “normal.” To be “like the public.” I thought it was safe… I thought I was protected… I thought it was ok to let myself be… I was wrong. Now I don’t know what to do. Now I feel stupid. Annoying. Childish. Needy. Immature.