Im In Your Classroom Now

i’m in your classroom now it’s still not mine. at least not in my head and i won’t lie and tell you i didn’t think about you every 5 minutes. you are a year older and now i’m living everything you went through last year, and it is terrifying. you know, i told you i’d never smoke again and now i am here, writing a about you and smoking a cigarette while listening to satellite. your favourite song. a lot, i know. but its ok. i don’t wanna be with you. i don’t think about you like that anymore. but the thought of you always overwhelms my heart. because the thought of you know means im an idiot. i hurt you and i don’t think ill ever forgive myself for that completely. i just think that someday i wont think about you anymore. you were mad. god, like hell. and i don’t regret letting you down. i don’t regret anything. just the though of you…. i hate thinking about you. you know, you got it easy. you got to hate me. but i could never hate you. none of what happened was your fault. and you told me, when we spoke about it, well, you begged me not to ever do that to anyone else. and i won’t. not for you, but for me. and , i care for you. i wonder how you doing. but i can’t ask you about you. then you’d think about me, and hate me. i hope you’ve already forgotten me. ‘cause i want to forget about you too. but with you i learned something. and i promise you i won’t do it anymore. really. so, please, forget my birthday, my songs, my poems, my art, my everything. i want to be dead to you. so please forget me, and don’t forgive me. forgive yourself. let yourself be. i’ll l be kind to everyone. i’ll even someday be everything i couldn’t be for you for someone else. you got it easy. holding a grudge is easier. so. please. again. forget about me. be happy. enjoy life how you see it. you know i always loved your point of view. nope. i’ll never forget about you. but if you forget about me i’ll be fine. kinda selfish. but we’ll both take benefit from it right? but all i can do now is hope. hope that you’re fine, hope that someday the habits i took up from you will become mine in time. that your jokes i tell my friends will become mine. that your smiles i mirrored will become mine. that your ‘thank you’s i repeated will become mine. that your favourite artists i loved will become mine. that your thoughts i wrote will become mine. that everything you taught me will become mine. and that this classroom will, someday, become mine and only mine.