Home » Poems » Zoe Crout » I'm gonna do it like I've always done it

I'm gonna do it like I've always done it

When I walk through a blink of a garden
That hugs my legs
And calls my mother
To come collect these shards of broken glass

I felt it on the kick of my leg
With hours and more hours spent 
Asking for a chance to restart

There wasn’t even a miracle
To call and ask for a redo
I felt the pain when the bullet hit my skull

Because I’m a far cry from preschool
And I’m not dressing up any leg wounds
It never really was a simple time

I want to bleed on a classroom chair
And ask my future why I went there
I want to see the lights start to dim

When I was locked in the lovers shed
With pair of dice and grenade pin
I cut my hair with the heart that seemed to break

Because I’m not at the bloody creek
I’m drowning in the heart
And I do miss the way the stars would burn me up
It’s been a long day with meteors 
And it’s not for the faint of all
It’s only another day, another laugh

I lost my soul in a blink of a garden
I sold my heart to game called do it
I’m never gonna get a restart

There's a heart inside that starts to blink
And a mind so blind it starts to think
I wish I still had the guts I left inside a kitchen sink

I’m holding my breath
But my breath fights back
And if I would sink
I wouldn’t sink like that
If I’m never gonna get a restart

I’m gonna fight with a will called “move!”
And I’m gonna die like I meant to do
With a piece of glass still stuck in the back of my throat.

courageintegrityfree verse

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