Ill-Gotten Gains

Anxiety ridden and broken down; I back out of the deal and I cash in my hand- All before I even know the stakes. Or the taste of your sweat. I watched your body hit the ground; I watched your chest heave its last breath. Now again, I try to reach for that same fallen star- Forever waiting to hear a final cry. That scream of discontent; That sigh of malediction or lack of repent. It is all the same to me When I forget to breath. It is all the same to me When your hands strengthen around my neck. Believe what you will about my ill-gotten gains; It is my glory, my payment for sins and mine to spend. I dash about in a great hurry to go nowhere And now and then, I stop and I look anxiously around for you. Hoping you will soothe my battered soul, Forgive the sins I scatter recklessly about.