If You Should Hate Me
If You Should Hate Me
by Tr. Elvis Otieno Gikoi
“Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about relationships. You know it’s serious when someone says, ‘If you should hate me…’ Like, wow, we’re already skipping the honeymoon phase and heading straight to the courtroom drama.
If you should hate me, don’t just ghost me; at least send a PowerPoint presentation. I want slides, bullet points, maybe even a pie chart showing exactly how annoying I am.
If you should scorn me, please do it creatively. Don’t just say, ‘You’re the worst.’ No, give me Shakespearean flair: ‘Thou art the Wi-Fi that fails at midnight!’ That’s hate I can respect.
And if your heart still remembers the good times, don’t cry, just prank me. Swap my coffee for decaf, hide my socks, or change my Netflix password. That’s the kind of hate that keeps love alive.
Because honestly, hate is exhausting. Love is complicated. But memes? Memes are forever. So if you should hate me, at least make me go viral.”
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