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If You Like Eating Out Dont Read

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QUICK EXIT

From the kitchen came a very odd smell
Menu was in Thai so I couldn't tell
Pointed and asked what is that
The waiter said its grilled rat
Was outta there like a bat outta hell...

EYE EYE

Went out with some friends for beer and meat pies
Asked the waiter to make mine a surprise
Well I took a huge bite
And nearly died of fright
The filling was made of fish and cows eyes...

ALL YOU CAN EAT

Went to a cafe where all you can eat
Thought I'd go large and have me a nice treat
Carrots, meat and some leeks
Then I heard the squeaks
Saw the food move and went white as a sheet...

MEAL DEAL

Why do restaurants sell meals that are cheap
Thought I'd go in check one out take a peep
I didn't like what I saw
Food undercooked and quite raw
And lamb kebabs may not be from a sheep...

BURGER AND FRIES

For fries and burger I was in the mood
I went in but quickly went off my food 
I'll tell you the reason why 
The waiter's wore just a tie
And nothing else they were totally nude...

WHATS IN A STEW (DONT ASK)

In restaurants never order a stew
What they put in to it would make you spew
Scraps from the day before
Some scrapings off the floor
And some other bits you'll find hard to chew...


LOW LIGHTING

Low lighting creates an ambient mood
Lovers taken out to eat and be wooed
They don't want you to sue
And you would if you knew
How kitchen staff really prepared your food...



(All fiction, I hope)

Written on 18th September 2020.

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Sara Kendrick

Date: 9/11/2021 9:59:00 AM

Can be scary when we take a chance on eating out especially now when everywhere they are low on help. I enjoyed reading your work and I do hope that none of these happened to you. I want to say thank you for dropping by my page. Sara

Angela Crabtree

Date: 10/5/2020 5:39:00 PM

I do like to eat out, occasionally. I'm limited because I'm vegen. Thank God I am after reading your poem. ;) ~Angie

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/5/2020 6:55:00 PM

Thank you Angela, but after reading some of the comments I wonder how much is really fiction. Tom

Indiana Shaw

Date: 10/1/2020 5:16:00 AM

Wow, that was a mouthful and a half of limericks there, Tom, and strangely your very dot on with them all, we all take a risk when we eat out, there's something to be said about picking your own squid out of the tank and eating it live on your plate, at least you knew it was fresh before you ate it, ha ha ha . . . *o*

Tom Cunningham
Date: 10/1/2020 6:17:00 AM

Lol, pick your own squid. Have heard many horror stories over the years, even so called top restaurants are as bad, best not to complain though just in case. Tom

Lindsay Laurie

Date: 9/26/2020 4:42:00 PM

Crikey Tom … anybody struggling lo lose weight should read these before every meal. They’ll solve the struggling - thanks Tom - Lindsay

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/27/2020 6:55:00 AM

Thank you Lindsay, I was hoping it was all fiction but reading some of the comments I think not. Hope alls well. Tom

Jan Allison

Date: 9/26/2020 2:25:00 AM

ha ha ha I am cooking at home for ever more after reading this - and my footles lol:-) adding this gem to my faves its hilarious and sad at the same time - ewww I feel ill just had late brekkie:-) all bran i mean sawdust sweepings lol:-) hugs jan xx

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/26/2020 2:39:00 AM

Thanks very much Jan, I thought you'd like them, I just wished that none of it was true lol. I really think they should put cctv in kitchens as a safeguard. Tom

Gershon Wolf

Date: 9/22/2020 2:00:00 PM

Quick Exit is on my all-time great limericks list. This one goes right into FAVES! Eye Eye is top tier as well...And if you've worked in the kitchen of a restaurant, oh the tales you can tell! Thanks, Tom! Laughter and Smiles, Gershon

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/22/2020 11:02:00 PM

Thank you Gershon, I hope I haven't put folk off eating out lol. Tom

Mark Koplin

Date: 9/22/2020 7:20:00 AM

Great fun Tom!! Thanks for the laughs and smiles this morning. Don't go to Vietnam to eat.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/22/2020 7:39:00 AM

Thank you very much Mark, glad you enjoyed them, dont think I'll be going there any time soon. Hope alls well. Tom

Kim Rodrigues

Date: 9/21/2020 3:35:00 AM

Great! All fiction, I hope, made me grin. We all hope for the best.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/21/2020 4:54:00 AM

Thank you Kim, indeed we do, always be nice to the waiter and waitresses lol. Tom

Emilia James

Date: 9/20/2020 2:25:00 PM

Think I will stick to meals at home lol, have watched a few programmes on eating places and they really do open your eyes to what goes on in some of them, urgh! you have real talent for Limericks. Thank you, Emilia.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/20/2020 9:51:00 PM

Thank you Emilia, I too have seen those programs, I vow never to eat out again but you soon forget lol. Tom

Silent One

Date: 9/20/2020 11:05:00 AM

The last one is very true, there are many very very bad kitchens... Great lims, made me smile..

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/20/2020 11:08:00 AM

Thank you S. O., I've heard some real horror stories, makes you want to stay home lol. Tom

Janice Canerdy

Date: 9/20/2020 6:18:00 AM

Shucks, I love to eat out. Well, you DID warn me. Good job, Tom! Janice

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/20/2020 6:40:00 AM

Me too Janice, but from some of the comments I'm wondering if there's truth in what I've wrote lol Tom

Nette Onclaud

Date: 9/19/2020 10:29:00 PM

soo nice to read this on a sunday, tom... your funnybone strikes again!..hope you are safe; have you gone to ephesus? huggs

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:30:00 PM

Thank you Nette, all good here, have to wear masks out and about and they check your temps in lots of places, didnt go to Ephesus but went to a town called Akayaka, a river town at the foot of mountains. Tom

Michael Tor

Date: 9/19/2020 2:23:00 PM

Tom read them to my wife and she was smiling as I.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:27:00 PM

Thank you Mike, happy you and your wife enjoyed them. Tom

Darlene De Beaulieu

Date: 9/19/2020 12:04:00 PM

Hello Tom,I do hope that it is all fiction. Enjoy your day my friend.

Darlene De Beaulieu
Date: 9/19/2020 3:06:00 PM

Hello Tom, I would not be surprised by that at al. Enjoy your day my riend.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 12:06:00 PM

Thank you Darlene, from some of the comments there could be truth in some of them. Tom

Heidi Sands

Date: 9/19/2020 11:30:00 AM

Wow, I can see why you gave the warning about eating out Tom. You write these so well. ! :)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:36:00 AM

Thank you Heidi, ive heard many stories, watched a programme once and there were hidden cameras. A waiter brought in plates took some meat off one ran it under the tap and put it on another plate. Yuck. Hope you're enjoying your weekend. Tom

Robert L. Hinshaw

Date: 9/19/2020 10:31:00 AM

A very witty string of lims, Tom! Love 'em! Bob H

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:18:00 AM

Thank you very much Bob, im pleased that you enjoyed them. Hope you're well Tom

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 9/19/2020 10:26:00 AM

And you could make what they served you twice as nice and cheaper at home. I don't disagree with any of your limericks I have had two or three experiences. Awesome limericks my friend. Blessings, Jennifer.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:18:00 AM

Thank you very much Jennifer, you're so right, we used to eat out a lot when we first used to come to Turkey but stay in more, we'd rather spend it on car hire. Enjoy your weekend. Tom

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 9/19/2020 10:19:00 AM

It's not all fiction. I had a student from China who showed me actual videos of food factories in China and it was utterly disgusting. My son worked a little at a taco fast food place and said the kids would actually spit in the food. For no reason except be funny. Never send back food saying it's too cold or something like that. If the cook is vengeful, there is no telling what he might do. I enjoyed these.

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:16:00 AM

Thank you Andrea, it should be a crime contaminating food like that. I can imagine what those factories were like, they eat anything on four legs over there yuck. Tom

Sam Kauffman

Date: 9/19/2020 9:30:00 AM

Think maybe I'll just cook and stay at home for a while! Couldn't resist reading - your title a true challenge! Well done string of limericks, Tom! Thanks for sharing, I think! Hope all is well. Over Fork Over. There's some irony in our clan motto!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/19/2020 11:11:00 AM

Thank you very much Sam, from some of the comments im getting a lot may not be fiction lol. At least at home you know what you're getting Tom

Victor Buhagiar

Date: 9/18/2020 10:52:00 PM

Great fun limericks, Tom. Bet some may be true. One must be careful which places to choose. Thanks for the laugh. Enjoyed them all. ~~

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/18/2020 11:22:00 PM

Thank you Victor, im pleased that you enjoyed them, Ive heard some real horror stories with restaurants and cheap eating places. Hope you're well Tom

Sharon Keely

Date: 9/18/2020 6:06:00 PM

Haha - you're making me happy I'm confining myself to tidbits from my fridge. Just when I was starting to crave a burger and fries from a place nearby - you've saved my diet Tom!

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/18/2020 11:25:00 PM

Haha Thanks Sharon, Glad I saved your diet, must admit you cant beat burger and fries. Then that saying comes to mind, a moment on tbe lips a lifetime on the hips lol. Hope alls well? Tom

Panagiota Romios

Date: 9/18/2020 12:57:00 PM

Tom...excellent verses as always. I went to a take out Pizza Place, I saw RATS running in the kitchen. Manager said..they are just High on bug spray. ARG. I have worked in restaurants where bug spray is pointed in the air and falls on fresh meat. I have found dead cockroaches in " fresh salads" in good places? Sunshine is right! Eat at home. Pangie

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/18/2020 1:03:00 PM

Thanks Pangiota, so maybe it isn't a fictional write after all lol. At least at home you know what's in your food. Tom

Jenna Logan

Date: 9/18/2020 12:30:00 PM

Any one of those would kill an appetite but since I've declared restaurants off limits in the last 6 months, I'm sure I've had none of those things. It does make me wonder what you're eating in Turkey...not turkey?

Jenna Logan
Date: 9/22/2020 7:58:00 AM

Tom, Everything tastes like chicken! Anne-Lise, I'm sure the food there is wonderful, and if I ever there I will definitely follow your advice.

Anne-Lise Andresen
Date: 9/19/2020 2:37:00 PM

- There are serious restaurants in Turkey, Jenna :) - And they have a lot of lovely food ... but, order everything very well cooked ... no "pink" steak :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/18/2020 12:38:00 PM

Thanks Jenna, we've been eating in mostly except when we were touring about and I stick to chicken, well it said on the menu it was lol. Tom

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 9/18/2020 11:51:00 AM

- Thank you very much for the food, Tom :) - I'm so glad we do not know what's going on in the restaurant's kitchen :))) - A good advice : Make the food yourself ... at least you know what you eat :) - Where does Tacos live, Tom ? - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Tom Cunningham
Date: 9/18/2020 11:57:00 AM

Thank you Anne, its all done behind closed doors. Tacos live underground I think lol. Tom