If Only Now, As Then

Then ... Where were you? Don't you know how diligently I looked ... How I begged for fate to pity me? Every face, every curve, every eye glint and crimped grin I sought for that spark ... that flicker That attenuate shimmer to the eye that would pull me IN Deep and close and warm Every laugh or whisper that tickled my ear I listened, rapt ... examined, intently For the precise affect that bespoke a rarity, pure For the musical tone that breathed to me a song of fire That stoked my ambition with a hunger, hot And a craving, cold ... and keen How many, the gazes measured and met? Countless, the unspoken prayers for the next lover To hold that sublime, laughing magic That unique knowledge of what was but silliness to others Those tiny, secret, utterly romantic musings That ever spun in my mind and passions Those sexy things I wrote with my fingertips, (in cursive) On every warm surface of moonlight-swathed skin That swam the sheets with me at night In vain pursuit of that most precious and elusive ... Soul mate. Where ... then? Now ... In a place where it can NEVER be You stand before me Perfectly imperfect ... in all the ways that define me In every aspect that I can imagine Or that I have ever dreamed and hoped You. Are. The. One. Yet you are the one thing that dashes all That plunges my conceptions to the rocks And turns true love to hopelessness Oh, how I wish I'd known you Then ... when I was young For now you are the one thing I can not accept ... The only thing that could now crush me Another's. ~ 2nd Place ~ in the "That Was Then This Is Now" Poetry Contest, Silent One, Judge & Sponsor. ~ 1st Place ~ in the "Wish I Knew You When I Was Young" Poetry Contest, Julie Leigh Rodeheaver, Judge & Sponsor.