If I Knew

If I Knew If I had known our time was brief, I’d have kissed you more, sought every relief, Savored each inch you thought unkind, And cherished the scars you tried to hide. I’d have whispered “I love you” with every glance, Each fleeting second, given the chance. Perhaps deep down, I always knew, That something this fragile could not stay true. But I held on tight, too tight to see, That I was losing myself to the dream of “we.” And now I’m haunted, missing your hair, Your touch, your presence, though it’s unfair. Because even through gaslighting, pain, and deceit, I find myself mourning what we couldn’t keep. I hate what you did, the lies and the games, Yet love lingers still, igniting the flames. I lie awake, needing white noise to sleep, A ghost of the comfort we used to keep. Back then, your breath was my lullaby, Now silence surrounds me, a painful goodbye. And as you lie with someone new, I envy the closeness I never knew. They have what I craved, what I couldn’t obtain— You, in the flesh, while I drown in the pain.