If I Had a Million Dollars
If I had a million dollars I would quit my job,
and be depressed and lonely, and unhappy and sad.
I would hear from every relative I have not heard from in sixteen years.
They would tell me all their sob stories, and want me to be their cousin, big and bad.
If I had a million dollars I would buy some of my relatives’ cars,
Hoping they would like me better, or maybe at all.
But they wouldn’t and they would resent me for it, and they would be unkind
And talk behind my back about how uppity I am and stuff
If I had a million dollars it would ruin my life, so please
Give it to someone else, someone who does not care as much as I do.
Someone who wants to hear from their riff-raff-I-hate-you-relatives
Someone not in love with their job. Thank you in advance.
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