If I Didnt Have You

If i didn`t have you, I wouldn`t know what to do maybe being dead would be the next best thing in rough times i have bad thoughts... sometimes i think of all the things i could do if i didn`t have you but the realization of never seeing that beautiful face again i cant imagine not seeing you smile or cry i cant imagine not being able to watch you sleep so peaceful i cant imagine not having a tea party without you i cant imagine not hearing the best sound in the would.. "i love you mammy" i say to myself i can be better i can do more as a mother i feel like im slacking but you will never have to doubt my love for you i owe you my life you saved me once i cant feel that lonelyness again that pain in my heart that nothing fix i drowned my sorrows in drugs and alcohol atleast that way i didn`t feel anything you dug me out that whole i couldn`t escape you helped me grow the biggest heart you make me want to be a better person, have a better life and future for you but if i didn`t have you i would be like a turtle on its back in the heat just hoping and praying for it all to end for the suffering to stop just the words "if i didn`t have you" feels like a stab to my chest my stomach burns like i swallowed the sun my heart cries so laud i cant think truth is even when i need a break from you i miss you but i know that you will come back to me and i can hold you again i will hug you so tight and make sure i will never lose you because "if i didn`t have you" is the end of me