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Poem

If i didn`t have you, I wouldn`t know what to do
maybe being dead would be the next best thing
in rough times i have bad thoughts...
sometimes i think of all the things i could do if i didn`t have you
but the realization of never seeing that beautiful face again 
i cant imagine not seeing you smile or cry 
i cant imagine not being able to watch you sleep so peaceful
i cant imagine not having a tea party without you
i cant imagine not hearing the best sound in the would..
"i love you mammy"
i say to myself i can be better i can do more
as a mother i feel like im slacking 
but you will never have to doubt my love for you i owe you my life
you saved me once
i cant feel that lonelyness again
that pain in my heart that nothing fix
i drowned my sorrows in drugs and alcohol
atleast that way i didn`t feel anything
you dug me out that whole i couldn`t escape
you helped me grow the biggest heart 
you make me want to be a better person, have a better life and future for you
but if i didn`t have you i would be like a turtle on its back in the heat 
just hoping and praying for it all to end for the suffering to stop
just the words "if i didn`t have you" feels like a stab to my chest
my stomach burns like i swallowed the sun
my heart cries so laud i cant think
truth is even when i need a break from you i miss you
but i know that you will come back to me and i can hold you again
i will hug you so tight and make sure i will never lose you
because "if i didn`t have you" is the end of me

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