Jan Allison Poet Limerick

I Wish - Not For Contest

I wish that I was a born a man
I‘d drink beer straight out of a can
I’d play football and darts
Laugh about smelly farts
And not bother about a spray tan 

My motor would be very flash
A Ferrari would cost lots of cash
I would not have a care
About my balding hair
I’m loaded, can afford to be brash

I’d develop a really cool swagger
Strut about like singer Mick Jagger
With my huge beer belly
I’d lounge by the telly
If wifey moaned then I’d just bag er!


Fiction write
Inspired by I wish I was a Contest Sponsored by Viv Wigley

3/5/18

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FJ Thomas May 7, 2018 at 9:37 PM Lolol you crazy nut! Jan Allison May 8, 2018 at 2:01 AM hee hee Flo - well men are'creatures' and some could be described as animals :-) hugs jan xx

Viv Wigley May 7, 2018 at 12:31 PM If you were a man just like me// you'd learn to piddle silently// exaggerate the size// of the bits by your thighs// and man boobs in a size double d. :) Jan Allison May 7, 2018 at 12:33 PM Lol Viv, I had fun writing this tongue in cheek poem about those unusual creatures called men lol :-) hugs jan xx

Gershon Wolf May 6, 2018 at 5:16 PM Too funny!!...And glad you're NOT a man, by the way. I mean, my gosh, such high standards for the rest of us men to have live up to. I don't think any of us could, except for maybe old Donald Trump. (I'm assuming for now that he actually is a man, and not an illegal alien or space alien, or whatever). Best wishes, gw Jan Allison May 6, 2018 at 7:04 PM LOl Gershon your comment about DT certainly made me smile:-) hugs jan xx

John Gondolf May 6, 2018 at 7:42 AM This is hilarious, Jan, I love your humorous limericks, they always brighten my day. John Jan Allison May 6, 2018 at 10:31 AM Thanks for the lovely comment:-) Not everyone appreciates my humour John but at the end of the day they don't have to read me or more importantly write negative comments on my poem as happened earlier:-) hugs jan xx

Christopher Flaherty May 4, 2018 at 7:56 PM Jan Clarkson I presume. Should I expect you on Top Gear Or Who wants to be a Millionaire Christopher Flaherty May 6, 2018 at 3:29 PM Thought I would throw that in Because my Mum can't stand him either. Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 8:03 PM Yeuk - don't mention JC - he has a lighthouse property over here and was not popular with the locals when he blocked off a footpath that went past the property:-( hugs Jan xx

Pandita Sietesantos May 4, 2018 at 4:59 PM Jan, your muse is in full form and really helping to make my day with some good fun!! HEHEHEHE! Thank you my dear for your wonderful sense of humour and making me laugh! Hugs. Pandita Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 5:01 PM Glad I made you smile Pandita - a purely tongue in cheek poem inspired by the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Lin Lane May 4, 2018 at 12:30 PM Many love your limericks, Jan...bawdy or not. I don't usually comment on those and you're fully aware as to why. But I never make fun of the humor you bring to the site and anyone who wants to chastise you for doing so in whatever form you choose should refrain from reading you. Jan Allison May 5, 2018 at 3:01 PM Tommy you've removed your previous comments. You have made it clear you disapprove of the poem and the picture so why keep visiting the poem unless its just to stir the pot once more. Lin Lane May 5, 2018 at 2:50 PM Wrong and you can save your sarcasm and waste it on someone else. I've repeatedly asked you not to respond to my comments and yet here you are again, intruding where you're not wanted. I'll not be around, checking to see if you need to have the last word, so take it if your ego overrides your conscience. Lin Lane May 5, 2018 at 9:54 AM It's best to ignore the ignorance of the ignorant. I think I posted something like that a while back. You're none of those things, to which many can attest. His arrows aren't poisoned, but he thinks they prick. Jan Allison May 5, 2018 at 9:47 AM oh I see he's done his usual trick of firing poisoned arrows then retracting them - well I am glad the comments are gone as he intimated I was 'fattist', racist ,and against disabled people which is totally untrue and very hurtful. hugs jan xx Lin Lane May 5, 2018 at 6:21 AM I wouldn't have removed the pic, Jan. Anyone who knows you would certainly know you don't intentionally hurt the feelings of anyone. If that man had an issue with his picture being online he would've had it removed. Nothing you write needs defending, and you've never used racism in a poem, so it never should've been mentioned by some ne're do well. Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:46 PM It was freely available on the web and didn't have a copyright image but I'll find something else:-) hugs jan xx Lin Lane May 4, 2018 at 12:36 PM nor should you remove it Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:33 PM I couldn't agree more Lin, I will try and find a more 'suitable' image ... but I won't remove the poem :-):-) hugs Jan xx

Phyllis Babcock May 4, 2018 at 11:43 AM Jan these were so witty. Nicely done. love phyl Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:27 PM Thanks Phyllis:-) hugs Jan xx

CayCay Godwin May 4, 2018 at 9:57 AM You may be physically challenged right now, but not your wit or sense of humor. This is a riot, Jan. Hugs ... CayCay Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:27 PM Glad it made you smile CayCay, I've now written a third poem and posted that for the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Andrea Dietrich May 3, 2018 at 11:51 PM Good stuff, Jan, but I would never wish for this misery. You seem very inspired today to do limericks. Let me check out the third one I saw. I am using Joe's laptop up in the bedroom tonight!! I have tons of catching up to do. Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:26 PM I've written another poem for the contest - this time about a real animal lol:-) hugs jan xx

Eve Roper May 3, 2018 at 11:21 PM I'm still laughing. :-) You might be hurting, but your still joking Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:24 PM I can write humour at a drop of a hat:-) hugs jan xx

Artsieladie Sharon Donnelly May 3, 2018 at 9:52 PM When your muse is at work, eh-em, I mean at play, we all know that laughs will make our day! Your limericks always make me laugh, Jan, and laughter is the best med for whatever may be ailing us. All the best my friend. :) hugs ~ Artsie xx Jan Allison May 4, 2018 at 12:23 PM Glad I make folks smile with my silly poems:-) hugs jan xx

Caren Krutsinger May 3, 2018 at 2:47 PM I can do all of that stuff as a woman, but this is a darling poem, and I hope you win the prize, because with words like farts, and Ferrari and huge beer belly it would be a travesty if you did not win. Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 2:49 PM lol Caren:-) I am submitting a single limerick for the contest as I'm unsure if I can submit more than one , I just want to make Mr Viv laugh if he sees this poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen May 3, 2018 at 1:29 PM :))) ... this is "winner number one" Jan !!! - I agree with Alexis ... Replace this for the contest - hugs // Anne-Lise :) Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 2:41 PM Thanks for your vote of confidence Anne-Lise:-):-) xx hugs jan xx

Alexis Y. May 3, 2018 at 1:14 PM Lol! Jan, I really enjoyed your string of limericks. Why not submit them for the contest. As always good job :-) Alexis Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 2:40 PM I'm seeing if Viv will accept more than one stanza for the contest:-) hugs jan xx

Paul Callus May 3, 2018 at 12:29 PM A witty flowing set of Limericks, Jan. At first I thought of Onslow in 'Keeping Up Appearances', but he was too lazy to 'bag' anyone! Hugs // paul Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 2:42 PM Oh did you see that series Paul it was hilarious!!!:-) hugs Jan xx

Charles Messina May 3, 2018 at 12:01 PM Damn, you almost hit the nail on the head with me..lol Awesome poem, but don't kid yourself, we men like to hear our woman moan (lol)...Great write as always, Hugs // Charlie xx Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 12:06 PM ha ha ha Charles and your comment about hearing a woman moan is hilarious!!!:-) hugs Jan

Pashang Salehi May 3, 2018 at 10:57 AM Oh Jan ... you're so wonderful... Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 12:04 PM Maybe some people may not think so kindly of me after this poem Pashang lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham May 3, 2018 at 10:11 AM Love it Jan, is that Kim jong un lol. Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 10:27 AM ha ha ha I hadn't noticed the resemblance until now:-) hugs jan xx

Pat Adams May 3, 2018 at 9:35 AM This is a good one Jan. It is so smooth I didn't even realize it was limericks! I see the signature farts are still there!...80).....(Bag her?!) Ha! I think a man needs a moustache, but the food looks great! A remote and a beer. Heck yeah!!! Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 9:37 AM ha ha ha I was trying to be subtle with bag her hee heee hee:-) hugs jan xx

Mike Gentile May 3, 2018 at 9:21 AM and I am wondering what came first the picture or the poem, too funny. PS, we are all not like that !!! Great one, Jan Jan Allison May 3, 2018 at 9:23 AM lol Mike its a tongue in cheek poem :-) The poem came first, in fact the poem for the contest came first and then I expanded it with this poem. I'm not sure if Viv is after 1 poem or if a string of poems is acceptable:-) hugs jan xx