I Wish...

Digging, ripping, catching then slipping Focus so much on my hatred that I fail to see your good. Kicking, screaming, wishing, dreaming My heart is lost inside my thoughts, I wish I understood. Why I attack you with doubt, why I just cannot believe, That when you get close or show that you care I insist that you really deceive. Dizzy, weary, distorted hearing Certain when I'm hurting, but uncertain when I'm loved. Guessing, wishing, aiming then missing I manifest my misery; chase the let downs like a drug. Is there really a feeling called love? A feeling that cannot be lost? Sounds pretty good but for 32 years It's a line that I haven't crossed. That which begins has to end The end begins that which again My spirit is beaten, is tired and weakend I pray to the sky once again. More wishes I toss at the clouds Alone I can say them out loud And all that I ask is the strength to get past The burdens of self I hold now.