I Washed My Hands

I washed my hands this morning when I visited the loo, Then went and touched the tap, which you really shouldn’t do, And then I scratched my nose, because I had an itch, Then with my bare hands I went and pulled the switch! And then I went and sneezed, with no tissue close to hand Whilst holding the marmalade, not good you understand, With the work surface soiled and the margarine as well, This damn Coronavirus is my own living hell! And so I washed my hands and then to my surprise There was no towel around, which I hadn’t realised. So I’m wandering ‘round the kitchen, like a zombie on the run, And I had to wash my hands again - oh isn’t this just fun!! So I sanitised the kitchen, wiped the work tops too Then I asked my wife ‘would you mind cleaning the loo?’ I’ve sanitised the door knobs and all the floors to boot And just to be sure I thought I’d sanitise the fruit. I sanitised my phone but dropped it on the floor, As I cannot clean a broken screen, I shan’t wipe it any more. And I tried to wipe my laptop but it doesn’t like the soap And now I cannot switch it on, god knows how I will cope! And the hand lotion I use, which normally lasts a year, Is not enough to get me through this afternoon I fear, And so I wash my hands again, a ritual I now despise, As the scientists keep telling me ‘wash your hands we emphasise!’